Introverts in the Church: Ministering to People Who Hate Parties

Hello, my name is Rachel, and I am an introvert.

There are more of us than you might think. In fact, it’s thought that we are the majority with 50.7 % of the population.  And we don’t all fit the awkward-wallflower stereotype; introversion and extroversion indicate whether a person is sapped or energized by social interaction, not their personal preference for it.  With so many introverts in the world, you’d think we’d be well represented in society and especially in ministry—but, thanks perhaps in part to our natural tendency to keep to ourselves, this simply isn’t the case.

We are an often misunderstood group.  Freud, for example, believed introversion was just a few steps away from the unhealthy self-infatuation of narcissism.  Those who are naturally gregarious often misinterpret natural introverted tendencies.  Pair a societal bias towards extroversion with an evangelism-driven church culture and you have a lot of burned-out introverts who try so hard to be like their extroverted friends that they hardly even know their own gifts.

Fortunately, Adam McHugh’s Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture offers, among other things, both an accessible explanation of the differences between extroversion and introversion, and a plan of action for those whose extrovert-driven churches have left them spiritually dry.  McHugh argues that introverts have many unique and valuable contributions to offer a church that is too often driven by endless activity and shallow relationships.  Far from being natural wallflowers destined to evangelistic impotence, for example, introverted Christians can communicate the gospel to an entire portion of the population – other introverts – for whom traditional evangelistic methods are unappealing and ineffective.  Introverts can also help remind a frenetic congregation how to slow down, rest, relax, and draw strength directly from Jesus and his word, not just from church activities:

In an increasingly fragmented, fast-paced, chatter-filled world, I consider the greatest gift introverts bring to the world and to the church to be a longing for depth. Spiritually mature introverts offer an alternative to our contemporary lifestyle, one that is thoughtful, imaginative, and slower. (p. 69)

At the same time, however, introverts must be careful not to let their natural habits distract from the growth and relationship-building that are necessary to build a healthy church:

Understanding our introversion is not the end of our self-discovery and growth; it is a beginning point for learning how to love God and others as ourselves… We find wholeness as we engage in what have traditionally been called the “outward” disciplines, such as fellowship, celebration, service and confession to others… we are not aiming to become extroverts; we still firmly remain introverts and have a preference toward solitude.  Our goal, rather, is to stretch our personality preferences without distorting them. (p. 59-60)

Introverts in the Church is a tremendously practical book that will help bring healing to introverts and extroverts alike by explaining how the differences between the two personalities can play out both physically and spiritually, and by offering a clear plan of action for those introverts whose own spirituality mystifies them.  Perhaps the best part of the book is the discussion of the “introverts’ rule of life”, a set of habits designed to enhance and make intentional an introvert’s own approach to spirituality:

A rule of life is an ancient practice; it is a way of structuring life in order to bring every aspect under God’s gracious authority and to increase our awareness that all of life is permeated by God’s presence… While people of all personality bents will find a rule helpful, introverts in particular can benefit from the order and discipline it offers…. I propose the following questions for helping other introverts discover their own rules of life:

1.    What are the times of day when I feel the most energized?

2.    When do I feel the most tired?

3.    How much sleep do I need?

4.    What are the physical habits that energize me? drain me?

5.    When do I most feel the need for solitude?

6.    How do I find soul rest?

7.    What are the spiritual disciplines where I feel most restored by God?

8.    What are the relationships in which I feel the most refreshed? the most drained?

McHugh also warns his readers of some common traps introverts often fall into, offering practical insights into these dilemmas.  For example, introverts tend to withdraw from relational conflict because they are not as verbally quick on their feet as extroverts.  This can lead to further tensions and can make it difficult to sort out real problems; on the other hand, when introverts learn to approach conflict appropriately, their habitual tendency to be composed and calm can prevent difficult situations from escalating, and their comparative verbal slowness can give them time to act diplomatically.

McHugh argues that the church would benefit from a careful rethinking of its assumptions about who is fit for leadership.  A societal bias against introversion has leaked into the church, which has a noticeable preference for gregarious, extroverted pastors.  Fortunately, he says, both the church at society are beginning to see the advantages introverted leaders can bring:

“…the door of the leadership world has been opened to introverts and the strengths they have to offer.  Though extroverts may continue to be seen as “ideal” leaders and introverts may have feelings of displacement in leadership positions, the fact is there are introverts leading in the corporate world, in in non-profit organizations, and in the church… In fact, a recent USA Today article reports that four in ten top executives are introverts, and in a 2006 Barna study, 24 percent of Protestant senior pastors self-identified as introverts.” (p. 128)

McHugh’s observations are paired with suggestions for how introverts might utilize their unique gifts to evangelize effectively in ways that extroverts cannot.  Introverts in the Church is a much needed resource that will hopefully lead to an examination of traditional evangelism methods and of social attitudes within the church. ‘